Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
