i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
where are my eyebrows?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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