similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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