You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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