What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
