Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
