it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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