now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
