I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
