There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
