I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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