I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
