Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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