best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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