Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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