Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
