I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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