Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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