Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
