Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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