You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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