Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
