Is it normal to miss your booty call?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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