I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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