My brain says no but my pants say off.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
