Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
