why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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