fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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