Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
