people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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