I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
