how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
