i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
