Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
