honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
