i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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