He disabled his match.com account in front of me
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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