I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
is wine microwaveable?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
