i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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