I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
