She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
