You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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