Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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