He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
