sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize