so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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