I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
