I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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