his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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