I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
