I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize