he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
