i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
