Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
