Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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