Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
