well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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