piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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