I can't breathe out the right side of my face
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
