the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
