He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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