So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
