I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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