goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
