it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
