You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize