you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
