I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
