Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
