i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
