Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
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My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
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threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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