That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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