bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
