I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
