I wannas sexs uuuuu
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
