Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Everclear isn't food dammit
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
