I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
